Trust is absolute essential between partners. It doesnâ€™t matter whether you are talking about being faithful, sticking to promises, keeping spending within what you can afford, or anything else. If you cant trust your partner, you will never be happy.
Of course, there are lots of reasons why you cannot trust someone. Maybe they have a track record of being untrustworthy. Maybe you just have hunches. Maybe they didnâ€™t tell the truth about some small things and you wonder what else they werenâ€™t entirely honest about. Maybe they are a little bit shifty (although in that case, I m not sure why you are with them at all and might I respectfully suggest you move on pronto). It doesnâ€™t matter. You just have to be able to trust them.
Then again maybe itâ€™s just you. Maybe you have been lied to in the past and you find it impossible to trust people. Well then, I am afraid you still donâ€™t have a relationship, and you never will have until you learn to trust. I know itâ€™s tough, especially if your suspicions have been justified in the past, but thatâ€™s why you deserve a good relationship now. And you wonâ€™t get it unless you can deal with the trust thing.
How must it feel for your partner? They are behaving impeccably, they have done nothing wrong. They are being as honest as they can be, and still you mistrust them. That can bring down a relationship. However sympathetic they are to your â€˜trust issuesâ€™ (to use an awful psychobabble expression), in the end it will grind them down and make them feel you just donâ€™t love them.
However justified you were in the past, it isnâ€™t fair to your new partner to make them pay for someone elseâ€™s mistakes. Deep down I think you know whether itâ€™s you or them thatâ€™s causing your mistrust, and you need to be honest with yourself about where the problem is coming from.
So if your partner is either doing the dirty on you, or is so secretive you canâ€™t tell whether they are or not, have it out with them and if you canâ€™t get them to be more honest, get out while you can. And if itâ€™s you thatâ€™s behind the problem, find some way to sort it out. I have seen people throw away good relationships and cause themselves great damage by failing to tackle their own inability to trust.Â If you are still looking for your Mr. and Miss Right, best sort this out quick before you meet them. I wouldnâ€™t want you to blow the whole thing just because someone in your past was stupid enough to betray you.
This wonderful piece was written by Richard Templar
Let me add this to it, in my years of counseling and talking to both married and engaged couples, have come across lots of situations and family problems that were caused just for the lack of trust mostly from the woman. What I am a little worried about is that, some of these women knew it, it has started during their relationship period but they still went ahead and get married to the man, the question is why? Is it an act of desperation or negligence? When the trust has been lost already during relationship, what will happen in marriage that is more delicate and where there s no more turning back
The foundation is faulty already, the foundation is full of lack of trust, lies (because for trust to be the issue there would have been some incidence of lies) and deceit. Foundation matters a lot in a building, so as it matters a lot in marriages.Â Check the foundation you are laying in your relationship for your marriage. If you donâ€™t and canâ€™t trust them then donâ€™t even bother staying in the relationship not to talk of proceeding.
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