Why You Shouldn’t Run Away From Singleness

Why You Shouldn’t Run Away From Singleness


The best way to have a successful relationship and marriage is to be single. Some people just like getting into a relationship at any slightest opportunity they have.  What they don’t know is that being in a relationship most of the time do them more harm than good.

If only they know the harms, they will prefer to be single than them being in a relationship. Some people especially ladies even force themselves on men, just for them to be in a relationship because they don’t want to be alone. Let me break it down a little bit so you will understand better

A lady at 20 gets into a relationship and she was in the relationship for 4years before something happened and they split. By this time she is already 24 or going to 24. Few months later, like three months later, she gets into another relationship.

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Maybe this time around it is not as long as the first one, she stays in the relationship for 2years before they broke up. Are you calculating it? Now she’s 26 and few months later as usual, she gets into another relationship and after being in the relationship for 2years, the relationship looks like something that is heading for the rock but because she knows she’s getting old and have marriage at the back of her mind she stays in the relationship, trying her best to make it work.

She began to force it, she doesn’t want this one to end, she’s 28 and should be married or preparing for marriage already. At least a fish at hand is better than hundreds in the river; it’s better to stay with this one than looking for another she thought.

The relationship continues going to 4years, the news broke that the guy has another lady that is already pregnant for him. She confronted him and he didn’t deny it, it wasn’t my faults. My parents are the one forcing the girl on me or any other excuse just for his justification. She was sad, frustrated and heartbroken but she can’t leave because in front of her is her age clock, counting tick tock tick tock. What can she do? She can’t be single, that’s not the right thing to do so she stays in the relationship.

She isn’t herself, she isn’t happy but she needs to stay happy, she’s not getting any joy anymore from the relationship but she endures it. Like a year later, she finally takes that decision in pain and tears. She quits because the guy is giving the pregnant lady more attention than her or she is not getting any attention at all which shows the relationship isn’t leading anywhere.

Now she’s already 31, so worried, so sad and so desperate, she wants a man for marriage desperately but they are not forthcoming, maybe at this stage one of her exes came back begging, what do you think will happen? Yes she thought let me stay with him, since he is begging, he is a changed man, apart from that we have dated before and I am even single with no sign of any man anywhere. But little did she know that she is entering into another time wasting pit, after some time she starts pressurizing the man to see her parents with no sign of him doing so in months if not years to come.  Now at this stage, she has no choice but to be single, the singleness she has been avoiding all her life is now her companion which is a little late for it.

If you think deep, look around and look at yourself, you will understand all what I wrote above because if it’s not already happening to you, it’s happening to someone you know. Look at the lady above, what she is supposed to do at the early stage of her life, she didn’t do it because she doesn’t like and doesn’t want it but life gave her no choice at the end of the day. Life forced her to do it which is now a little late for her because she should be preparing for marriage or married at her age not single.

Some are lucky enough to force their way into marriage but they are not so very lucky in the marriage because they are miserable and regretting their actions, wishing they were still single. Most married people wish they were single. The only reason you could feel this way is because you were never single before you were married.

I think we can see the harm running from singleness can do to you, from the age of 20 to 31 she has spent like 10years of it being in a relationship which has added nothing to her but has stolen away her years and time. It’s not being in a relationship that is the problem. But the problem is during that period you are jumping from one relationship to another, you will miss the good man out there. Therefore you being afraid of singleness and always want or stay in a relationship makes you lose the good man that wants you.

I said a good man because the way they do their things is different from the way other men do theirs. If you are in a relationship and some guys are still disturbing you, they do not love you. They are just disturbing you because they are lust towards you and want to satisfy their lust. A good and serious man doesn’t approach a lady about relationship straight forward. They go around first to meet people that know the lady to ask them some questions about your availability, attitude and character, or maybe they study you for some time themselves.

Definitely the person they have gone to meet to ask about you knows you are in a relationship, they will tell the man, she’s in a relationship and that ends it all. They won’t come to you, they won’t try to break your relationship or force themselves on you. The man will move on and be hopeful maybe you can still be single again but on the other hand, you have refused to be single. He can’t wait for life; life goes on so they move on.

One thing I have come to realized about this thing is, when one misses the flight, before you can get another flight always takes time that’s even if you will get another flight. Most people always end up not getting the flight anymore which is one of the reasons for bad marriages and divorce. They just go with any flight that comes around that looks like it’s going to their destination which always ends badly.

Below are some reasons why you should be single

You have your freedom:

When I say freedom, I don’t mean access to mess up yourself because I have mentioned freedom before in one of my teachings and I got response from the singles there that are you saying we should be messing around? If you think being single means sleeping around then you need a therapist and also if you think you cannot be single without messing around then you also need a therapist.

What the freedom here means is, not emotionally attached, you have no relationship to worry about, you have all the time to yourself, to discover yourself which is the most important thing, to develop yourself, to pursue your career, to make friends, to go places you want to go, to achieve things you want to achieve and lots more without being tied down emotionally.  When you have this kind of freedom and enjoying it, you will be full of happiness which attracts the right people to you and it also gives room for you to find a good partner.

What to do with your freedom?

During this period of you being free, you show love to people, you go to places you admire, you face your career and follow it up with all your strength without you accounting to anybody and finally you work for God and serve God with all that you have. There are some ways that being in a relationship doesn’t make all this happen which Is why most of this things stops after marriage but now you have the chance to yourself, make use of it.


You are strong when you stay single

The strong here is referring to mentally and emotionally strong. A lady/guy that has been singe for 4 years by choice, and not because he/she couldn’t get a partner will be mentally and emotionally strong, she has survived years alone, so definitely she won’t settle for just any man, a man who will wreck her emotions, dreams and life, she’s not scared of being single, she’s not lonely so she won’t run into the arms of any man she sees. She will choose a man to be in her life because she wants him in her life not because she needs him to be in her life. For her to want you in her life then you must be very special and have given her enough tangible reasons for her to want you.

The best kind of relationship comes when you choose your partner because you want them in your life not because you need them in your life to fill a vacuum. When you feel you need someone in your life then you still need to be single because just imagine what will happen when they are not there, you will be frustrated. When you need them in your life it means you are placing some expectations on their shoulders and if they fail, trouble starts by first hurting badly and then holding grudges against them because they fail in your expectations which they didn’t ask you to place them.

You will meet a good partner when you are single

There are lots of men out there but there are few good ones, so I am saying if you put ten (10) men together you might just be lucky to have just 1 good one. So out of ten (10) men how will you know the good one? This is what being single will do for you and vice versa.

If a woman wants a relationship badly, what that simply means is that she’s lacking in some areas of her life and she needs someone to occupy that area of her life. So if you come across this kind of woman, keep walking and don’t stop until you have gone so far away from her.

Read Also: Some Qualities of a Successful Relationship; Don’t Take them for Granted

How does being single makes you know a good partner?

This is very simple, you will know a good man by what they exhibit, their character. When a man is asking you out but you were trying to study him so you asked him for friendship instead, a typical man will ask another lady out and if you ask him, he will tell you he can’t be single since you won’t date him. If this happens to you, then you should know it’s a red flag and he is definitely part of the men to stay away from. When a man meets a lady today before he should think of dating her he must have spent some months knowing her, but if that is not happening, the lady should be worried.

And for the men, when you are close to a lady and she keeps complaining of how lonely she is or how boring her life is, then you should know it’s a red flag and you shouldn’t go there. But when you see a man/lady that is single and very happy, without him complaining about loneliness or how bad he needs a companion then you will know that he is the person to be with.

This is one important thing you should take note, before you can have a lovely relationship and marriage both partners must be single and always be single even after marriage.

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