You are your own problem; but you are also your own solution


Every problem that occurs starts from you due to some decisions and steps you have taken. So it’s ok to say you are your own problem. When it comes to relationships, it’s like we believe the decisions we take does not matter which makes us not to think deep before we take the final decision. When we want to process admission into the university, we spend days , weeks if not months to select the course we want to study but we don’t do that when it comes to our relationship.

And for those that didn’t think well and selected the wrong course, a course they cannot cope in, they are their own problem because nobody forced them to make the decision. It’s their fault they didn’t compare their capability with the course they chose.  The same thing happens in relationships, we don’t check the person we want to date deeply before jumping into a relationship with them and we start to complain about them and the relationship later like they were forced into the relationship.

When people chats me up for advice, what they complain about always makes me think and ask myself what people always talk about before they get into relationship, what do they communicate? Or maybe they don’t communicate at all. He walks up to them, asks them out, well, he is tall, good looking and has a job or some cash in addition with his caring attitude. Gboosh , they say yes to the proposal, what else do they want? He has got it all right? Well, I doubt it because that’s just the surface, what do you think you will find out when you search deep. You might be shocked

If you don’t want to be like the normal average lady and you want to go deep about him, which is the right thing to do, then you know that’s a journey that you actually cannot predict what the outcome will be or how long it’s going to take you but it’s going to be worth it. Most times it takes up to a year that’s why in a much disciplined church about marriage, the committee set a session and watches the couple for 6 -9months to be sure they are actually good together for marriage after the couple has made their intentions known.  This is just for you to know you cannot search the person deep and be out in 1month. Which Is why I get worried whenever a lady/guy tells me he/she broke up with their spouse 1month ago but they have already found a very good man/woman who they termed the love of their life.

Have they checked and go deep on her in just 1month for them to know she is the right lady for them? Apart from that, when you quit a relationship, you should have space to yourself like months, could be less that 6months to find out what happened in your last relationship and how to correct it so it won’t happen again in your next relationship. When you fall, you are supposed to go back to trace it for you to know why you fell, so you won’t do the same thing again in the future and fall. That’s how people learn, you don’t fall, standup and continue. If you do that you might fall more than 100times before you get to wherever you are going, that’s if you ever gets there and I hope you know the implication of that.

If possible, get a pen and paper to make a list so you get to thick them as you passed them. Most times our relationship goes bad because of us not our partners and if we take that same us without any changes into another relationship, there won’t be any difference. Which means you should be expecting the same results. If you are wondering why your relationships hasn’t been working, don’t wonder anymore because you are your own problem.

If there is anything you discover you need to change about yourself, you have to change it before the next relationship and you should know change takes time which is why you don’t jump out of a relationship and jump into another in just 1month.

Loneliness makes you vulnerable, if a dog walks up to you when you are lonely and shows you affection, I am telling you, you are going to fall for that dog. That’s what loneliness does to a person which is why you shouldn’t be lonely because you are not in a relationship. And if you are always looking for a relationship because you are lonely, you should know that you will fall into the wrong relationship because you tend to date whoever comes your way. If you are lonely because you are not in a relationship, you are your own problem, you being in a relationship won’t make you not to be lonely and you not being in a relationship don’t mean you should be lonely. If you are always lonely and you get into a relationship, the relationship might not last because you will choke your partner which isn’t good for a relationship.

You can be in a relationship and still be lonely; also, you might not be in a relationship and won’t be lonely. It all depends on you.


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Ajiboye Ifedapo is a young man who believes in LIFE, LOVE and MARRIAGE, who is out with the purpose to teach people on how to live a fulfilled life, have a wonderful relationship and a successful marriage. He is a counselor and the founder of LIVE RIGHT LOVE RIGHT and HAPPY MARRIED WOMEN. you can follow me on twitter @ifedapo2015


    • Hola,perdon que te escriba pero wao ayer casualmente un amigo me estaba mostrando unos videos de un hombre que lo hace para chercha y uff te pareces muchisimo a el

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