Your Relationship : Is It Adding Value To Your Life?

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What’s the point of being with someone, if they can’t teach you anything? Most people like to look for a partner who thinks just like them. They want someone who will complement their life. That’s cool. But I’ve found that if someone doesn’t bring something to the table in a way that challenges how I think and act, or teaches me a thing or two about myself, the relationship becomes stagnant and boring.

Ideally, you should grow together. One of the questions I always ask, when I am deciding whether to stay in a relationship or not, is…what has my time with this person taught me? Can she continue to contribute to my life and my goals? Some of you might think that this is a selfish way to think about it. But is it really selfish? I just think any serious relationship needs to
add value to your life, other than having someone to tell you
“I love you” and just having sex, and who will always go to the cinema with you or having picnic with you.

Why do you think we call it…significant other? That’s why it’s also important to ask your partner the same questions to understand if you can do the same for them. I’m saying all of this with the assumption that you actually want someone who will add value to your life.

Hopefully, your partner knows you better than anyone else, or at least as well as your closest friends and family, and can support you in ways that even your best friend may not be able to. Here are some of those ways:

Read Also: How I Picked My Wife and Almost Lost My Life

>> Help you know your weaknesses and overcome them
I have a friend whose boyfriend had to cut up her credit card,
because every time she was stressed out which was pretty
often she would go shopping and buy shoes. Well her retail
therapy was also creating more stress at the end of the month,
when the bill came. She obviously had a problem with managing her finances, or finding another way to deal with her stress. So, like a nice boyfriend, he identified her weakness, and found a very effective way of helping to curb her retail enthusiasm.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend won’t help you to identify and
figure out ways to fix weaknesses, or issues that affect you,
why are they around? Like I said, “any significant
relationship needs to add value to your life, other than having
someone to tell you I love you, and having sex with you.” One of my friends said that’s an asshole statement. But most blunt, true statements sound like asshole statements. So I’m standing behind it. I’m not saying that your significant other needs to be a life coach or anything, but he/she should be able to know when
you need extra support. Some of us can’t handle it, when our
partner is brutally honest and calls us out on our shit. But
what would you rather…someone who calls you out – for the
better, or someone who’s completely satisfied to see you
remain stagnant – for the worse?

Read Also: How to Make Your Wife And Girlfriend Happy part 1 of 4 Make Her Feel Good

>>>Help you move from a Nada to Prada, helps open your shell:
Even if you are satisfied with your current state , it helps to have someone who will unwittingly get you there,someone who will assist you in following your dreams. Some of us could be greater than our current state. Some of us are content to rot at our work desk every week, look forward to Fridays and weekends, and repeat this routine.

But, sometimes, we meet someone who isn’t just the best we
ever had in a sexual or looks way. Sometimes…that person
unlocks the potential we didn’t even see in ourselves, and
encourages us to make something of our talents and dreams.

The rapper, Ice T, said that when he married his wife, CoCo,
his income tripled. So he really doesn’t care about what
people say about her. Ice seems to really be into his wife,
financial benefits aside, so he seems to have the best of both
worlds. Personally, I wouldn’t mind being with someone who
is a great companion, is ambitious about her own goals, and
still makes time to say, “Hey Ifedapo….”You are losing focus on your goals.”
While you and I might want that, some people will resist a
push all the way, and will refuse our help. If you’re the
ambitious kind, and you’re with someone who’s satisfied with
being stagnant, you might want to consider how this will
affect how far your relationship can go.

Read Also: Pay Your Dues to Have A Successful Marriage/Relationship

>>>Help you grow spiritually

Spirituality is one of those things that we don’t often discuss
with friends or family. I’m not a saint nor a very religious person, so I won’t pretend to be the most spiritual person, or try to preach to you. But hear me out. Even if we aren’t all religiously inclined, sharing our spiritual choices and lessons with our partner helps us to affirm or change how we think or act. It might even be the very thing that helps us to feel more empowered and centred.

Now fellas, you might have to be careful about how you
approach this, because you might unlock some kind of
Mother Theresa gene in your woman, and that might not go so
well when you feel for some sexy time. Just saying.

But let me veer away from any blunt and true (aka asshole)
statements. Adding value to someone’s life also means that it
is very possible for two people to be on completely separate,
spiritual journeys, and grow, together, by learning from each
other, and helping each other to define internal beliefs more
clearly. These actually helps our morals ,make us know the right and the wrong things. How to treat your fellow human beings. How to act and behave, what to do and what not to do.

Read Also: GOD; An Interview With God

>>>Teach you how to express yourself

Most times, two people have different levels of emotional maturity. But if every time you have an argument with your woman, she stops every work she does at home or deprive you of some things , or you as a man stop answering her calls for a week, the relationship becomes a roller coaster of madness. One partner acts and the other reacts to things without discussing and resolving feelings. This often happens if both parties are emotionally immature. Sometimes they aren’t that immature, and act maturely most times. However, if they have problems communicating their emotions to each other, that’s where the bacchanal begins. Ideally, it would work better if one of the two people is more emotionally mature. Ideally, that would allow us to grow and work through our emotions better. This doesn’t always happen though. So you have to decide if the two of you are emotionally compatible enough to inject some common sense into your communication routine, and find a way to learn to communicate. Some potentially great relationships have been defeated by poor communication, because people just don’t want to learn how to get along. Being with someone who’s willing to work things out can help both of you to better express your
emotions. Even if you don’t stay together, it would definitely
help you out in your next relationship
Now ladies…adding value doesn’t mean trying to act like
his mommy, and telling him what to do. Fellas…adding
value doesn’t mean dictating her pace, and acting like
you’re her lord. The days of the macho man are over. But if you try to help each other to become better people, and are open to having someone be blunt and honest with you, then you could have a really good thing going. If you break up…at least you got something out of the experience and you remember each other for the good impact. It’s refreshing to be with someone who causes you to look at life differently, and who does more than just stick to the routine things people do in relationships. If you’re still single, you might want to consider this, when next you’re getting into a serious relationship. If you’re in a relationship, and
you’re feeling restless, maybe it’s because the person isn’t
adding value, and providing the moral support that fulfils
you. What should you do about that? I’ll leave that for you to
figure out.

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1 COMMENT

  1. Each time I stumble @ya page and read your writeups I feel like I was wondering about all the while dis is really important for any1 Dats wanna av u gud releationship welldone my brother.

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