NIGERIAN LADIES AND THE MARRIAGE AGE TROUBLE
So, I was glued to my television screen watching big brother naija, double wahala. Linda Ikeji and Toyin Aimakun popped up on the side of the screen set aside for people sending in text messages. The normal me will just be reading the text messages and catching fun because I enjoy the messages even more than the activities of the house mates. This particular text caught my attention and got me wondering. The sender throwed shots at Linda Ikeji and Toyin Aimakun expressing how to him or her both ladies are not qualified to give relationship advice to CeeCee (one of the house mates). According to the sender, Linda Ikeji will soon be fourty and is yet to get married or point out a man in her life that she is in a relationship with. On Toyin Aimakuns side, she has been married twice and divorced twice, so both ladies are not qualified to give relationship advice to anyone, let alone CeeCee.
This got me wondering if a lady needs to be in a successful relationship or marriage to give relationship advice to her fellow lady?
Linda Ikeji is just an example of many ladies out there that our society is yet to see as a woman because they are not married. Should a woman be married at a certain age before she should receive her respect as a lady? The sender of that text message is just one in so many people in our society that are pushing women into taking decisions they regret in marriage all in the name to please society and the people that feels you have to be married at a certain age to be a complete woman.
A lot of the times, the pressure comes from their families. It can be from their immediate or extended family. If the immediate family don’t pressurize them, their extended family will pressurize their immediate family to pressurize them to get married. The many failed relationships and marriages that have led to the early grave of a lot of married ladies and the divorce rate this is going high every day, plus ladies that are coming on air to complain about their being abused by their husbands is not having any effect on the rate at which our ladies are being pressured to get married to be complete in life.
It is now becoming a stigma that is killing our ladies self esteem like a dreaded disease, and making them think less of themselves when they get to their thirties, that must be stopped. If a Nigerian lady gets to a certain age usually from her early thirties regardless of what she has achieved for her self in life, she starts thinking she must get married at all cost so as to be seen as a complete woman and respected by her family, friends, and the society at large. It shouldn’t be so.
Marriage does not make a woman complete like we believe . It’s a step to accepting the natural order of the cycle of life. A man or a woman must grow to an age where they will desire a member of the opposite sex and be joined to them in marriage by choice, where they will procreate in love and raise offsprings that will keep the human race in existence even after they are gone. Their offsprings will do the same. It will continue till nobody knows when, to keep the human race in existence. It’s by choice. It is not something we should be seeing as a necessity for a woman to be respected as a woman.
I know women are not like men in nature. There is a certain believed age at which a woman Can no longer be able to bear children (menopause). Usually between the ages of 44 to 55, so it’s best a woman start raising children before she gets to that age, hence, the pressure to get married when she gets to her thirties without considering her happiness.
A marriage is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. I know you must have heard this, it’s already a cliche. As a cliche as it is, it is what we should be considering before we start pressuring our female children about marriage. It is what every lady must put at the back of her mind before considering or concuring to anyone’s pressure to get her married. I know marriage has his challenges, couples quarrel all the time, but a successful marriage is one in which both partners are happy with that the person they choose to spend the rest of their lives with is not the wrong choice. It’s only such marriages that the couple would have quarrels and come together again like nothing happened. You can’t get this by concuring to any ones pressure to get you married or societies stigmatization that you are not complete except you get married.
If marriage completes a woman or make her qualify to advise her fellow woman on relationship issues, a Toyin Aimakun would not be married and divorced twice as that person that sent the text indicated. I bet she is not happy with the two marriages, why she quit and got out of them before she die in them. A lot of married woman are regretting their choice of the man they will spend the rest of their lives with but are not bold enough like Toyin Aimakun to call it a quit. Am not saying you should leave your husband, what I mean is, don’t die in the name of being married. You should be happy in marriage, not otherwise.
To all my single sisters out there that have gotten to the age of marriage are yet to get married, stop believing you need a man for your life to be complete,
don’t let anyone force you to a marriage you will regret later not even your parents. Live your life. BE happy with yourself. Love yourself and your status. Keep succeeding and growing as a person, the right man will locate you. If you ever consider MARRIAGE, ask yourself if you will enjoy the man that is coming for your hand in marriage or regret it. You are to enjoy marriage and not regret it.
To you all discriminating our single sisters like the person that composed that text, your opinion about womanhood is very wrong. A woman don’t need to get married at a certain age for you to respect her and her opinions on whatever issues she choose to give her 2 cents.
Do you have anything to add to this, fell free to use the comment section below. I will gladly reply.