WHY YOU MUST NOT THROW YOURSELF AT MEN IN FEAR
I attended a wedding ceremony recently that made me cry. Why, You will ask?
A wedding ceremony is supposed to be all joy. There Is smile on everyone’s face, even those that are not happy with the marriage will fake a smile to avoid the spotlight stare and pointing fingers. My eyes couldn’t help dropping tears as the bride and groom make their way to the church altar for their wedding vows. I dropped more tears at the wedding reception when she took the stage to give her vote of thanks to all, her husband by her side, holding her hand as if not to let go.
I know the bride. She is someone I have come to adopt as an elder sister for her kind heart. She deserve the best man in the world that would love, cherish, and adore her. Too bad, life has it’s ways. It seems we must fight always to win with resilience if we must have what we want from it. No wonder they say it is not a bed of roses. [Read Also: Why Girls Determines What Happens In Relationships]
I just relocated to Lagos Nigeria, to start a new life and clear my head after my mum who was my major source of inspiration passed away. I needed a job to keep me busy and take care of bills so I started searching. Not too far from my house I saw a vacancy in a very big hotel that caught my attention the day I moved in to that area. It reads, “waiters needed. ” I went in to make inquiries and see if it’s a job I can do part time and move on to something else later. At the reception area of the hotel, I met a lady who should be in her early thirties. “She must be the receptionists.” I said to myself. She engaged me in a conversation about why I want to take the job. Normally I am not the type that talks for long, her free spirit got us talking for more than an hour. After the conversation, she asked me to resume work the next day with an application letter which I did.
On resumption, I discovered she was the manager of the hotel. She was covering for the receptionist who she asked to take some days off and attend to her mum who visited from the village, the previous day. On discovering her position I switched to formal mode and added MA to every word that came out of my mouth. She responded laughing and told me she preferred we relate as we did the previous day as friends, not this manager and waiter mode I switched to. That was five years back, it’s still how we relate till date.
Before her recent man that took her to the altar, she had several disappointments in relationship that made her conclude men are not worth all the attention women close to or in their menopause give them in fear of passing the age of marriage . According to her:
“getting close to menopause or being in menopause should not let you feel less worthy of a Goodman, or make you start throwing yourself at men you know are not worth your time. it’s the best time to love yourself more and stand your ground as a woman, on the kind of man you want in your life, else, you become a foot mat to men. Use and dump. ”
The last experience she had before her marriage got me proposing to her knowing fully well she is ten years older than me. We laughed about it and waved it aside. It’s this same experience that got me crying as I watched her on her beautiful wedding gown.
She met a guy from an humble background about five years younger than her who is struggling to catch up with life as a laundryman, at a laundry shop she went to drop some of her clothes for washing and pick up. they got talking and in the process, she fell in love with his ambitions and drive for life despite his condition and saw a man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Of course, her man need to be up and doing if people must respect him so she helped set him up by giving him money to start up a big dry cleaning and laundry business which he has always had passion and drive for. To go with it, she bought him a car to run the business and built a mini flat in his name where she intends starting a family with him. Their relationship grew as the business grow. Things started falling apart when the business grew very big. He started giving her rules of visitation which she agreed to because she wants her man to have his privacy for she believe the best relationships are the ones in which both partners enjoy their privacy. 5years passed he did not propose to her, when she asked he gives the excuse that he is not in a hurry to rush things and that what matters is that they are together. One day, he asked her to come around for his mum visited from their home town. With joy, she put on her best dress and make up with the excitement that her man is finally taking things to the next level, only to get there and got the shocker of her life.
Her to be in-law on meeting her, washed her up by calling her all sorts of name referring to her as an old woman trying to force herself on his son. And that it’s over her dead body she will allow her son marry her. According to her, what annoyed her most and got her off her feet in shock was that her man said nothing in defense of her, instead he concurred to his mum and said he Is sorry the relationship won’t work and that he does not know how to tell her, hence he invited his mum from their home town to come tell her herself. All efforts she made after that day to amend the relationship and get his mother to accept her got to no avail. He stopped visiting her and ask her to stop visiting which she refused until his mum and some of his relation came to the hotel to rain another round of insult on her. It was then we discovered she had been having problems with her man, whom we thought was her last bus stop.
Thank GOD for the people around her that cared, she would have committed suicide. We made sure we were there for her until she grew over him. But it was hard. Could you believe she kept her being the secret of his success until that wedding reception. Why I couldn’t help joining her in tears. Before her speech, I thought it was just a normal heart break women her age suffer. Thank GOD she found the right man. Some one who knows how a man should treat a woman of her kind. Guess what? She found him when she wasn’t seeing her age as an obstacle to getting the right man.
in view of this, I will be sharing with you the reasons why ladies must not throw themselves at men.
1) YOU ARE A LADY
As a lady, you were not created to chase men. Men are created to chase you. I have never experienced a successful relationship or marriage in which the lady was the one that chased the man. Feel free to fill me in If you have experienced any. I don’t know but men has this thing of seeing ladies that chase or come after them as cheap and easy to get. Reason, if you can chase them you can also chase other men, so you are not to be taken serious. Men will value and respect you more as a lady if they are the ones that did the chasing. Never make the mistake of chasing a man if you want to be taken serious.
2) IT DOESN’T GUARANTEE HIS STAYING
That you throw yourself at a man giving him your all doesn’t guarantee he will stay with you till death do you part, or guarantee he won’t cheat on you or leave you for another woman. The story of the lady above Is enough lesson to learn from. what more can you do for a man to make him faithful to you than establish and help him achieve his dreams? The lady in question did it, you know how it ended. what makes you think your story will be different? Am not saying all men are the same, it’s best not to be an example of a lady that gave her all to a man but ended up disappointed. Love will find you no matter your circumstances. Just concentrate on making a meaning out of your life. The right man will come your way.
3) YOU DON’T NEED A MAN IN YOUR LIFE TO BE HAPPY
My heart beat increased as I type the heading above. You know why? It’s a hard truth to swallow and a deep secret to reveal. Most ladies would say I don’t know what am talking about, but it’s the truth. Society most especially in Africa has so esteemed the status quo that if you get to certain age as a lady, not being married or having a man in your life makes you less a lady. This has led many ladies to relationships they regret. Some have made mistakes as regards this that cost them their lives. As a lady, please don’t succumb to this. Wait for the right man. They said it’s better to be or remain single than endure or be in an abusive relationship. Am happy women are beginning to realise this. You can be happy without a man in your life. Oprah Winfrey is an example of this. Am not saying remain single for the rest of your life. Mould yourself into a woman men will love to take as a wife, the right man will come your way, but to make having a man in your life a priority that must happen within the set time. It will lead you to start throwing yourself at men that won’t value you.
4) THERE IS A MAN FOR EVERY WOMAN
This sounds like a cliche you have heard before right? Believe it or not, it’s true. There is a man for every woman and woman for every man. Yours is out there. Be his right woman he will show up. Good men are not scarce as it is believed, they are just looking for the right lady to spend the rest of their life with. As much as we have a lot of failed relationships, we still have many successful ones. Who say yours can’t be successful. Never let fear lead you to settle for a the wrong man. You deserve the best. Go for it and settle for nothing less. You know why? A relationship is meant to be enjoyed, not endured.
5) MEN TAKE YOU AS THEY GET YOU
A guy chased a girl for four years. The day she finally agreed to date him, he presented a wedding ring he bought and kept for that day to her and asked her hand in marriage. According to him, she is a rare gem and the only girl that he has chased that long, that know his status as a rich young bachelor. Others disn’t take him more than a month. Some even offered sex the first day he took them to his house. Why he chose this one he chased for years as his wife and played the others, Is clear. She showed him she is just not any girl. The harder it takes a man to get you, the more secured he feels with you. Ladies believe men hardly trust. They don’t trust because you are not giving them a reason to trust you. One sure way to get a mans trust is not to throw yourself at them no matter their status. Always have it at the back of your mind before you get into any relationship that men take you as they get you. The harder you make yourself to get and more wifeable, the more they will adore you and give you their trust. Because they know you are disciplined enough not to throw yourself at men. It’s not enough to play hard to get, make yourself a woman of virtue, men will adore you and thank GOD for the day you say yes to them.
6) YOU LOSE VALUE
Have you ever come in contact with men that discuss ladies they have slept with when together with their friends? You hated it as a lady and prayed you or your loved ones never meet such men, right? I will tell you a secret, such men will never do that to a lady they value. They only do it to ladies that throw themselves at them. They value ladies that have shown them they are different. It’s a reason you must never throw yourself at a man. No matter how you love a man, have a life of your own. Don’t be on them like your are a nursing mother of a new born baby. Never depend on a man to make ends meet. Get something for yourself with which you take care of your bills, it will make men value you. The moment you start showing a man he is your all and you can’t do without him, you loose value.
Is there any point I did not add? Do you have anything you want to share with us on this? Feel free to scroll down and use the comment section below.
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