“When two imperfect people come together, treats one another with respect and make each other happy! Â Â That’s a real relationship.”
London Mond quotes
when we say importance of respect in a relationship, most people do not take it serious. if you check the bad relationships we have, you will see most of them start going bad because of the lack of respect in the relationship.
Do you know the importance of respect in a relationship? Have you ever wondered why relationships these days don’t last long?
Why people confess love more than they mean it?
Why couples you would never predict their divorce on the onset of their relationship end up disappointing you?
Why people break up or are in a relationship and use abusive words at each other even involving the public?
Why couples spend their precious time in law courts pumping their hard earned money on legal practitioners to get off an abusive relationship?
Itâ€™s simply because one party or both individuals lack respect for the other in such relationships or the respect that was once present in the relationship is no longer there.
If a relationship must stand the test of time, respect must be present.
What then. Is respect?
Why is it so important in a relationship that must stand the test of time?
How can it be lost in a relationship?
If itâ€™s so important in a relationship, how can we gain respect from our partners?
“Respect is admiring, caring, showing consideration or having a high opinion of somebody/something.”
Oxford Advance Learners dictionary
“Respect is love in plain clothes”
To me, it means: “Caring for somebody enough to allow him/her be his/herself around you”
Doing this means you respect them. We get along with people we can be ourselves around. We reveal things to them and express ourselves fully because we know they are reliable. It is not same with people we can’t be ourselves around. Useful information that would have made our time with them interesting and worth it, are withheld.
A relationship is supposed to be a union in which the parties involved can be themselves around their partner, and be free to fully express themselves without being judged. In other words, a successful relationship is one in which both parties respect themselves. Respect strengthens the connection between people in a relationship. The reverse is the case when there is no respect in a relationship.
There is this grey hair couple in their late seventies, at my place of worship we all admire and envision their relationship. One day, we had the privilege of being addressed by them on what we should know about relationships that stands the test of time. I wasn’t disappointed at their wisdom. During the question and answer session, someone asked the secret of their relationship and why it seemed so perfect without any flaws. The couple gave the same answer. Two words ‘MUTUAL RESPECT’.
They went further to point out how other things falls in place in a relationship with mutual respect.
“Respect for ourselves guides our morals. Respect for others guides our manners.”
Below are importance of respect in a relationship: how to lose respect and how to gain it
How Respect Can Be Lost In a Relationship
Respect can be lost in a relationship the following ways: Â You May LIkeÂ 9 Ways to Have Affectionate Relationship
1) Over familiarity:
At times in a relationship, some people see it that they have known too much of the other party that they are no longer worth respecting. It shouldn’t be so. This person sees you as one him or her can rely on that’s why they open up to you. You should see it as a privilege and not the other way round. This will help you keep your respect for them recommend telling people only what they deserve to know.
“You can never be hurt by anyone when you are just alone. Insults come from being too familiar even with the most respectful persons.”
Michael Bassey Johnson
“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. Having no respect, he ceases to love.
People tell lies a lot to get people to love them. They claim to own what they don’t and be who they are not. Some even try to change to please their partner. If they get to find out the truth, which they will do because lies don’t last forever, they will loose their respect for you. This is one reason so many relationships today fail. I recommend you be yourself. Who will love you will love you for who you are. Itâ€™s the best foundation for a relationship that will stand the test of time.
3) Bad conduct:
No one was born perfect. All human beings have flaws (weaknesses). But we can always control our flaws. There is always that desire to play a fast one on our fellow human being. In relationships, the most common ones are cheating, using abusive words, hitting our partner, talking down their weaknesses, etc. These conducts injures their self-esteem and make them loose their respect for us. For a relationship to stand the test of time, these conducts should be watched and put under control.
“I think the world honestly would be a much healthier place if instead of trying to find rationalisation for our bad behaviour we would just say ‘I was an asshole’. Sure there were reasons behind it, but that doesn’t matter.”
“Pride goes before a fall”
Some people are so full of themselves that they can’t get along with people. They want the spot light to always be on them. This affects their relationships as well.
Anything that is not coming from them does not stand. They want people to always take their opinions and not have a say. Relationships don’t work like that, that’s why
Itâ€™s between two parties. There must be a balance in every area for it to work. If you desire a good working relationship you must be ready to leave yourself and get along with your partner. Share the spot light with them.
5) Failed responsibilities:
Every relationship comes with responsibilities, responsibilities that both parties in the relationship must meet. It could be taking care of a particular need, conducting oneâ€™s self in a particular way that the relationship require to work, or meeting an agreement. If these responsibilities are repeatedly ignored, or not met, the partner responsible begins to lose his or her partners respect. Itâ€™s advisable to put the responsibilities that would be involved in a relationship you are about going into, to consideration before going ahead with it. Â Read Also Love Book 4; Men From The West
Some people are so indiscipline that they live their lives without principles. Values and morals mean nothing to them.Â They don’t respect the principles of others to the extent that they take offence when they are cautioned. They don’t even respect themselves. They know neither boundaries nor privacy. Any attempt to make them see reasons they are on the wrong track of life makes you their enemies. To them, living is freedom to do whatever pleases them. Such people hardly get respected by others, whatever relationship they get into crash almost as they get into it. Life shouldn’t be so. It pays to have limits in whatever you do.
“Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity to say no to oneself.”
Abraham Joshua Heschel
How to Gain Respect in a Relationship
1) Respect Yourself
“Respect yourself if you will have others respect you”.
Respecting oneself is the first way to gain respect in a relationship. Respecting yourself means knowing how to conduct yourself before the person you are in a relationship with so as not to get him or her upset.Â It entails knowing the do and donts of others and maintaining it. The best way to do this is to get to know your weaknesses and how they affect others.
2) Know your Self esteem
Self esteem is one point to look out for in importance of respect. There is a popular saying that. Goes; “it is how you see yourself that people will see you,” how are you seeing yourself? Do you put yourself up to be pitied or you value yourself? Do you see yourself as someone important to society no matter your status in life or you under estimate yourself?
If you underestimate yourself people will underestimate you. If you value yourself people will value you. Am not saying you should be proud, what I mean is you should always see the light in you no matter your status in life. This way, you will gain respect from your partner. Never be a liability in any relationship you find yourself in.
“If once you forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem.”
3) Treat your partner as you want to be treated
“Therefore all things whatsoever you would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.”
Matt 7:12 (KJV)
Modern Bible translators call this the ‘Golden Rule’ because of its effectiveness in fostering positive human conduct in all aspects of life. If you bring this into a relationship, it involves treating your partner as you want him or her to treat you. If you want to be respected, respect your partner. If they don’t reciprocate give it time. If they still don’t, know you are in the wrong relationship.
4) Always think before speaking
“Always think twice before you speak because you words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another”
Some people are fund of talking at random. They don’t consider if their words will make or break the person they are referring to. I am not referring to telling the truth here. I know truth makes many uncomfortable. What is referring to here is using abusive words. Always watch your words if you want to be respected and taken serious by your partner and people around you. I know many people speak without thinking when they are upset. I have a friend like that. If you are like him, do what he does now, maintain silence when you are angry and walk away if you can. Negative words have a history of breaking relationships and tormenting peopleâ€™s self-esteem.
Never use them on anyone. You are supposed to be your partners support, not their nightmare.
“Sticks and stones will break my bones but negative words will never hurt me. This is a lie.
What we say matters. The unkind things we communicate can spoil the best relationships. Â Read AlsoÂ How to Rebuild Lost Trust in a Relationship and Marriage
Even with the deepest of regrets, what lingers is a stain of hurt that may fade but will never truly go away. The wounding words we say are like feathers released in a harsh wind. Once said, we will never get them back.”
5) Be grateful
“Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, and confusion into clarity. It makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
Being grateful for having our partner as our companion and their contributions in making the relationship work, shows we respect them. For you can only show gratitude to someone you respect. This will encourage them to give their best in making the relationship work. It also encourages openness and creates an enabling environment where Â both of you will freely express yourselves, and treat each other with respect.
6) Set and uphold boundaries
“Individuals set boundaries to feel safe, respected, and heard.”
When our partners set boundaries in a relationship, we should not take it otherwise. Rather, we should do our best to respect their decision by upholding it. That will go a long way to show we really love, care and respect them.
Itâ€™s not enough to set boundaries in a relationship; you must do your best to uphold the boundaries you set, doing this will make your partner take it serious. Being respected start with you I believe you already know that by now.
Also, we shouldn’t just set boundaries because we have to. Itâ€™s wise to consider our partner when setting boundaries. Make sure the boundaries you set are uphold able and reasonable.
7) Be willing to compromise
There will always be times in our relationships when we have to compromise. When that time arrives, remember this and say it to yourself that you ‘cannot always be right.’ This will make you compromise easily when you have to.
Another way you can compromise is to show consideration to your partner whenever it is required. It could be in your actions towards them in the way you react to their opinions in an issue, listening to them whenever you are discussing, and giving them your full attention when it is required.
Showing consideration to your partner and accepting you cannot always be right, are brave acts that show you truly respect them.
“I simply do not think that yelling, swearing, threatening or belittling will get you to the place
You want to be faster than kindness, understanding, patience and a little willingness to compromise.”
8) Act honourably
“If you stick around long enough, act out of conviction, and try to be honourable in everything you do, good things will come to you.”
Acting honourably here means showing respect to your partner in a way that you won’t do anything to hurt them or allow anybody disrespect them regardless of who that person is to you or your relationship with them. Many relationships had failed because of this. Some people disrespect their partners before their friends and family members and expect them to respect the same partner. Others take side with their friends and family members when they disrespect their partner. It shouldn’t be so. If we want a relationship that will stand the test of time, we should respect our partner always and stand by them when they are disrespected. That way, others around us will respect them as well and respect our relationship with them.
Acting honourably also entails being a man or woman of your word. Say things and mean them. Don’t just use words because you have to say something, act as you say you will. If there is something bad you are doing in the relationship that your partner complains about. See reasons with him or her and do your best to stop it. I know habits are not easily done away with; time and consistent efforts will help.
do not take the importance of respect for granted in you relationship
“Respect is prior to a relationship. If there is no respect in the early stages of a relationship then leave it because you might get hurt the more you stay.”