How to Know If its Love not Lust

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love and lust

A lady chat me up and started narrating the situation in her relationship, this is what she said;

“I met this guy about 5months ago and everything happened fast between us. I actually met him on facebook but he stays not too far from me. In few months I met with his sister and I also introduced him to my siblings. He was to go for service. Things change briefly after he was accepted at his PPA. He is a medical doctor so I expect him to be busy sometimes but the issue is this. I complained about him not calling and I was getting uncomfortable when our mode of communication can just be on WhatsApp for days”

That’s just some note from all what she wrote to me but what I discovered in her narration is that what really happened between them isn’t love. Most times we mix whatever feelings we have for someone as love as far as the feeling looks sweet, some people even call obsession love. We need to understand what we feel and stop putting every good feeling we have as love, I don’t hate him then its love, NO it’s not love. You might have that feeling but it doesn’t mean the feeling is love. Not all feelings are love; it could be anything but not love, you need to be able to define what you are actually feeling.

Read Also: It Is Not Meant to be Easy: Don’t Lose Yourself in Love

Below is how to know if its love not lust

1 Love doesn’t happen very fast, adrenaline rush do

One thing I am very sure of is love doesn’t happen very fast. I don’t mean you can’t meet your spouse and in 6 months time you are married, in fact, that’s a good time because the best period for courtship should be between 5 – 12 months. When I told the lady love doesn’t happen very fast, this is what she said;

“People meet within six months and they get married I don’t agree with the fact that true love doesn’t happen too fast my sister met her husband in church and they got married in 4 months”

I agree that people can and get married in 4 months after they met but what she wasn’t mindful of in that statement is the question, how did they meet? I don’t know you, I have never seen you before, we haven’t really had a deep and long talk but after seeing you I catch feelings for you and everything happens so fast, that’s definitely not love. The feelings you have is due to your adrenaline pumping just because you like what you saw. If it were to be a cripple will you catch instant feeling? Will your adrenaline pump?

If you fall in love on adrenaline rush, sooner or later the adrenaline will stop and the love you thought you had will be all gone that’s when you will discover everything he/she says or does irritates you, you don’t want to pick his/her call and you don’t want to call him/her either.

Adrenaline rush doesn’t care about the strength, weakness, good, and bad of the person, all it does is just to show and exhibit how you are feeling that moment. Immediately the adrenaline rush stops the weakness and the bad part of that person you were blinded to will be revealed and that will be the beginning of problems in the relationship. According to research, adrenaline rush or lust can last for up to 2 years.

2 Love has a direction

If that feeling of yours has no direction then you should start questioning it, when you are in love, there will be drafted plans with that person you are in love with in terms of short, long and future plans because you will both see yourselves in each others future and you will work together to achieve it. You will have deep talks; discuss individual plans, present, and future, what each others career plan is and how to achieve them. All this plans and direction is why they will get married in 5 months

3 Love isn’t an emotion

Anger, happiness, sadness are all emotions but love shouldn’t be used as emotions. The reason why happiness fluctuates, today you are happy tomorrow you are sad, you are happy now and an hour later you are sad is because it’s an emotion, therefore if you work your love as emotions you will discover you will love today and hate that person tomorrow depending on how they treat you. Are you sure that love you think exists between you and your partner in your relationship isn’t just emotions?

If it’s emotion anytime he feels like he loves you that’s when he will show it maybe by calling you and when he feels like he doesn’t love you he won’t get in touch, it can be days, weeks or months. His/her behaviour towards you depends on his/her emotions

4 Love isn’t driven by desire

You should try to be sensitive to the feelings you are having towards that person and the love they have for you. Are they motivated by some desires? Physical, sexual, financial desire or any other desire I didn’t mention

Maybe he/she doesn’t talk long with you, all they majorly do is just to have sex whenever you are together then that’s not love but desire. Love and desire are two different things but people uses desire as love in some cases to trick their partner and if you don’t understand the difference you will be entangled in it thinking its love

If all he/she does is to ask you for money, then he/she doesn’t love you but desire your money. You will know the love is driven by desire when you refuse to give him/her want he/she wants, they will get angry, insult you and threatened to end the relationship

Read Also: 10 Reasons a Lady Shouldn’t Have Sex on the First Date

In conclusion; love isn’t the only feeling one can have, lust is one, obsession is another etc. when you have feelings for someone or someone have feelings for you don’t assume its love because it might not be love. Go through the different feelings and their attribute for you to be really sure about it

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