THE PRANK

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  • THE PRANK
    (APRIL FOOL)
    It’s April 2nd. Shola A.K.A SL is seen driving her Toyota Camry on the third mainland bridge of Lagos State going to her place of work, around 8am. She is to resume presenting her radio Show “MAKE THEM KNOW’, by 10am, where she ask her listeners to send numbers of a loved one they know is celebrating anything to her, so she help them call that loved one up and wish them good tidings for the day. She met traffic and decided to tune to the radio station where she work , FLEX 100.9 FM, and listen to her colleague that will hand over to her by 10am. It was the news.

    “Good morning. Welcome to the 8am news on FLEX 100.9 FM. I am BAMIDELE AGBAWO, First the headlines. Federal government to remove the ban on importation of rice. The president to return from his foreign trip today. On entertainment, The Nigerian Police arrest a popular comedian for hate speech against the president. On sports, Nigeria progress to the final of the world cup to the shock of the whole world. And on happenings around, a Lagos business man beats his wife to death after listening to a call conversation she had with a presenter on radio. The news proper. ”

    The last headline caught her attention so she waited for the details.

    “A Lagos business man Mr Olaoluwa Aremu was arrested by the police yesterday after beating his wife to death. Nearby neighbour’s called the attention of the police when he called them to come help with the situation of his wife, who was already on the floor of their sitting room Lifeless. According to him, they had an heated argument that led him to hit her, In the process she fell on her back and hit her head on their glass center table. Before he could get help, she had already died. He will be facing trials on the 25th of this month. He said he called a popular radio station to help him wish his wife a happy birthday on their wedding anniversary which happen to be same day, and discovered in the call conversation that the presenter made to his wife that, she is planning to leave him for another man………….. ”

    “Oh my God! I am a murderer. God! I killed the innocent woman. I made the innocent man kill his wife… ”

    tears drop from her eyes as she off her car engine and blamed herself for the couples situation. The car in front of her has already gone far far ahead of her without her noticing the traffic has started moving. Continuous disturbing horns from the cars behind her got her back from her thoughtful regret and got her gearing up to catch up with the car ahead of her.

    ************ONE DAY BACK***************
    April 1st. Shola on the radio. Presenting her usual two hours programme ‘LET THEM KNOW’..

    “It’s 10am in the city of Lagos. The weather is very friendly and cool. You are tuned in to your favourite dial on radio FLEX 100.9 FM. As usual am your girl SHOLA ONIKAN I love to be called SL. That voice you need to get a good day, always. Yeah right! It’s always a good day with me. Kisses to you all my faithful listeners To my new listeners, you might be wondering what programme is this. It’s ‘LET THEM KNOW’ on your dial 100.9 FLEX FM. The only programme on radio where you get us to help you call your loved ones celebrating anything this day. It might be birthdays, wedding anniversary, launching of a building, a new car. Your boyfriend just propose, you want to wish your colleague Goodluck on his or her promotion. It’s your fiancee birthday, anything good worth giving a shout out to that beautiful person in your life, we are here to let them know you care about them. Just send their number and what you want us to shout them out for, to 08059966999. I repeat, 08059966999. I will repeat it one more time 08059966999. Thank you. We are here to make your day. FLEX 100.9 FM, is the dial. No other station gives you a better day. I am going on a music break to keep the show started. Here is Drakes ‘God’s Plan,’ for your listening pleasure. Keep the messages coming in.”

    Some songs comes up after God’s Plan by Drake then, SL continue her broadcast.

    “You are still unto your dial 100.9 FLEX FM with your girl SL. the program is ‘LET THEM KNOW’. I have got a couple of messages already, more are still coming in. Keep them coming. Am going to take as many as I can today, I promise you. Let’s see, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Okay. Let’s start with this one. It’s from Mr Olaoluwa Aremu. He says he wants us to help him wish his lovely wife a happy birthday and a blissful four years wedding anniversary. He is wishing her wonderful years ahead. Oh, oh,. Lovely. Made me wish I was married. I will get there some days cha. Thank you sir for that one. Very lovely. To all the married men out there, your wife’s need more of this. Show them you appreciate them. We will call Mrs Aremu right away. ”

    She pick up her phone and dial Mrs Aremus number. It rings several times before she pick up.

    “Hello, who am I unto?”

    “You are live on radio MA. The dial is 100.9 FLEX FM lagos. I am SL a radio presenter . You are unto my show, ‘LET THEM KNOW. ”
    “Oh my God!”

    “Yess MA. What we do on the show is dial random numbers and hook them up with singles out there searching for a life partner, by calling out their number for interested persons to call. Is it okay by you? Are you single?

    “It’s okay. You can give my number out. Am Not really single, like single “. No

    “What do you mean by not really single like single, ma?”

    “Actually, am a single mother. I have a son, he is two years old. But am still young oh. Any man you hook me up with won’t know am in my mid thirties, trust me. Lol. ”

    “I love your spirit. You seem to be a very lively and honest person. For that, I will take it upon myself to hook you up with a very responsible man. ”

    “Thank you MA.”

    “You are welcome ma. Am just doing my job. So, tell us MA, what kind of man do you want? What do you look out for if you are to give in to a man asking to date you? ”
    “He must not be a woman beater. One that hits a woman at any provocation. I like to always express myself so I want a man that would be silent when I do my woman thing, and understand that two wrongs can’t make a right when am nagging. I nag a lot. Any responsible man that will be ready to help a nagging woman get over her nagging is okay by me. Plus, he must be handsome, well to do, and ready to accept my son.”

    “That’s very honest of you MA. I love your honesty. Again, thank you for being honest with us. I bet your phone will start buzzing soon as we drop this call. We wish you the best man. Before you go, very quickly, can you tell us about your sons father? Why did you leave him?

    “Actually, he left us.”

    “He left like abandoned you and your son?”

    “No. He died two years ago when I was pregnant with my son.”

    “What!?

    “I don’t get you”

    “You said your husband is late?”

    “Yess. He died two years ago.”

    “I can’t believe this. Actually MA, it was your husband that sent us your number to call you and wish you a happy birthday. He also said today is your wedding anniversary and asked us to help him let you know how much he cares about you. I was just pranking you with all those hook up stories since today is April 1st………… ”

    “I am dead………”

    Hangs the phonecall

    “Hello MA. Are you still there? Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.”

    Tries calling her several times but she did not pick up.

    “That was an unexpected Coincidence. Mr Olaoluwa Aremu I don’t know if you are listening. You need to sort things out with your wife when you get home. I just spoke with a woman that is fed up with the marriage, and has made up her mind to move on. Men out there listening, learn to respect your wife and always treat her right if you want a lasting relationship or marriage. You don’t need to wait till your wedding anniversary or birthday to tell her how much you adore her. Show her how privileged you are to have her by your side always. You are still on to your favourite dial 100.9 FLEX FM I remain your girl SL. let’s go for a musical break. ”

    Eminems ‘RIVER’ ft Edsheeran Comes on , followed by other songs.

    *************PRESENT DAY***************
    SL gets to the premises of 100.9 FLEX FM, and quickly make her way to the studio crying. Her colleagues sat her down and asked what is wrong with her. She continues crying for some time then:

    “You all remember my show yesterday? The man on the 8am news today, that beat his wife to death was the one that asked me to help him call his wife yesterday and wish her a happy birthday and a blissful wedding anniversary,”

    “Oh my God!”
    BAMIDELE could not hold her shock. SL continue crying. BAMIDELE and her other colleagues console her and try to make her see its not her fault, that family is going through what that are going through at that moment.

    “I need to go see him. BAMIDELE please take me to the police station where he is currently held till the trial date. ”

    “Okay.”

    BAMIDELE, SL, and other members of the radios stations news crew left the radio stations premises for the police station.

    ********AT THE POLICE STATION ********
    SL quickly rush from the parked car to the police station counter. BAMIDELE follow her.

    “Good day sirs. My name is Shola ONIKAN. I will like to see Mr Olaoluwa Aremu. ”

    “Madam, if you one see that man you go do the needed oh.”

    “What is the needed please.”

    “Madam you go drop something for all of us here make we take wet pocket. ”

    “Sorry, I don’t get you. Sor….. ”

    “Madam you go settle us.”

    The other police man interrupted Shola.

    “Settle you with what? Money that you put in our pockets? We are media people from FLEX 100.9 FM. Go and get us Mr Aremu or we report to the whole Lagos that you guys collect money for people to see him ”

    BAMIDELE countered him in anger.

    “Madam calm down. Na our job we dey do. The police is your friend, not your enemy. ”

    He goes into the police station and bring Mr Aremu out. Shola burst into tears as she sees him.

    “I am responsible for your situation. I am very sorry sir. I wouldn’t have planked your wife. If I had just read your message to her you won’t be here today. I am so sorry.”

    Shola burst into tears again. BAMIDELE use her handkerchief to clean her eyes and console her.

    “It’s not your fault. The fault is mine. I have been battering my wife since we started dating. I promise myself to stop when we get married but I continued. She has been tollerating me all these four years of our marriage hoping I will change, but I did not. I promised myself again to make things right on this our wedding anniversary and never hit her again. The shock of her declaring me dead on public radio got the best of me and made me hit her when she repeated it to me, that to her, I am a dead man. According to her, I died the moment I broke my promise to never hit her again after our wedding. Just one wave of my hand. Look where it got me. My wife nags a lot. I beat her up whenever she nags. I grow up in a family that believe that women are not to express themselves before men. My mum never oppose my dad’s decision or say a word against his. If she open her mouth, he would ask her to shut up not minding who was watching. Myself and my brothers all beat our wives if they ever oppose our decisions or exchange words with us. That day, I visited one of my friends house and enjoyed how peaceful it was. The freedom he gave his wife was what my marriage was missing. So, I decided I will give my wife same freedom to express herself from this our fourth wedding anniversary, then, my wife declared me dead on public radio. The anger I felt at that moment made me forget what I learnt from my visit to my friends house, that day. It is my fault that my wife is dead, not yours. I killed her. If I had known better. ”

    “Am so sorry.”

    Shola drops more tears, collects the handkerchief from BAMIDELE and wipe her tears.

    “Oga, he don do. Time to go inside. We don try na. Oya, move.”

    The police man that escorted Mr Aremu to the counter orders him back. Shola continues weeping. BAMIDELE takes her by her hand and escort her to their car as the police man escort Mr Aremu to his cell.

    ON THE 25TH OF APRIL, THE COURT HEARING OF MR OLAOLUWA AREMU WAS HELD. HE PLEADED GUILTY TO BATTERING AND ACCIDENTALLY MURDERING HIS WIFE. HE WAS SENTENCED TO 16 YEARS IMPRISONMENT. SHOLA PLEADED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF THEIR TWO YEARS OLD SON TO SATISFY HER CONSCIENCE. MR AREMU AND THE COURT AGREED.

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