Before going into a relationship or marriage, some of us make a list of what we want our man or woman to be, look, or act like. Truth is, majority of the time, we don’t get what we plan for so we settle for someone and hope to make them our desired partner. When we discover we can’t make them who we want them to be, we end the relationship and look for another to fill their place. You can get something close to what you want but can’t get exactly what you want in a man or woman., How you make the Â relationship work is up to how understanding and tolerant you are ready to become. Some of us are not ready for this, itâ€™s either what we dream of a man or woman or nothing else. Why our relationships or marriage won’t work.
Some people are manipulative in nature. They always want you to do their bid, and always do things their way. Your opinion or what you think about anything doesn’t matter to them. Itâ€™s this same attitude they carry into a relationship, even marriage. Any relationshipÂ you get into is not about you alone, itâ€™s about you and whoever you are in that relationshipÂ with. That’s why you have to leave you behind and find a way to work things out so the relationship becomes successful. Nobody is perfect, we all have our flaws. If your flaw is manipulatingÂ people, you shouldÂ work on it. It will affect yourÂ relationship even if you don’t want to accept it. Nobody enjoys being manipulated.
Still on manipulation, some in a marriage or relationship don’t make decisions on their own. They allow their parents, relatives, and friends control their relationship. They value the opinions of these people that they allow it destroy their relationship.
You did not come to this world with anybody so it is not expected that you let people take or make decisions for you. Be in control of your life. Always ask yourself if that advice your friend, relative, or parent is giving you is the best for the relationship. If itâ€™s not, turn it down with no disrespect. Some do it intentionally because they don’t like your partner. Itâ€™s advisable you allow no third party into your relationship. Learn to settle disputes in your relationship yourselves and don’t expect your partner to do what you want all the time. Sometimes you have to see things from their angle. It makes the relationship balance. Being in a relationship or marriage with someone that always do as you bid is being in that relationship with a LOSER. You don’t want that, do you? Knowing you are making your partner a loser will help.
“You can’t control anyone’s behavior. The Â Â Â Â only one in your charge is you.”
LACK OF COMMUNICATION
Communication is very important in relationship. It is the live wire of a relationship that works. The more we communicate, the more we understand about our partner. The more we understand about them, the better we know how to treat them right, the better we know how to treat them right, the better the relationship become.
Read Also: Importance of Respect in Your Relationships
One mistake people make in relationships is hiding things from our partner or trying to solve problems on our own, even in marriage, most especially us men. Â Sometimes our partner will wrong us but we won’t tell them. We will keep it inside and hold grudges against them that make us over react at the slight opportunity of their wrongs. Some of us expect our partner to just know how we feel without telling them forgetting they have their everyday challenges as well. No one is a horned mind reader or magician. Even magicians need clues to get onto your mind. Why they ask questions. If you are in a relationship, never keep things to yourself, let your partner know what you are going through and what is required of them to help the situation. Never assume they are to know or figure things out themselves. They say a problem shared is half solved. And also, don’t assume that your partner want you to solve their problems by sharing it with you. Sometimes, all theyÂ just need is for you to be attentive.
Read Also: Steps to Having A Healthy Relationship
Communication doesn’t necessarily mean talking or having a conversation with our partner, though it makes 60% of it. Itâ€™s getting to understand them and getting them to understand us .
“â€œCommunication is the fuel that keeps the fire of your relationship burning, without it, your relationship goes cold.â€ ~
Everyone needs attention, why we don’t exist alone. There is this effect, having someone who is there for you, mind, body, and spirit, bring to our life that makes us more complete. People that don’t have these kinds of people around them, lead miserable lives.
In a relationship, your partner should be your best friend. You should give them all the attention they need; else they get it from someone else. This is the major reason why many cheat on their partner, even in marriage. They are not receiving enough attention from their partner, so they turn to the person giving them the attention they need. Never be too busy to create time to give attention to your partner. Your work, friends, family members and other activities shouldn’t deprive you from giving him or her attention. Some make the mistake of thinking money can cover up for lost time and attention they don’t give to their partner. No material thing can take the place of our emotions. If we need attention, we need it. Work, hangout with family and friends, take time out for your recreational activities, but don’t let it affect the attention you need to give your partner. Being there for them and paying attention to their needs will make your relationship stronger because it makes them know you appreciate them.
If you are in a conversation with your partner, listen attentively to them and give them sign you are with them. You can repeat what they say and ask questions to show you are with them. These days, we have the habit of pressing our phones while in a conversation with our partner. Itâ€™s very offensive, put your phone aside. You can catch up with whatever you are on later. Giving attention to your partner fully shows you appreciate them and they mean a lot to you.
If two don’t agree in anything they can’t work together. Itâ€™s same in marriages and relationships. There must be agreement for it to work. Doesn’t necessarily mean the both of you must agree in all things, opinion differenceÂ must occur. Why you are two different individuals coming together as one.
Respecting your partners opinion make them more considerable to come to an agreement and work things out with you. It also has a way of creating balance in the relationship in the sense that you will have someone who doesn’t see things from your angle that might be wrong. It also makes you know more about your partner and better understand them.
Some want to be the only one right all the time, and be the only one whose opinion must matter in the relationship. This is a very wrong way to treat your partner in a relationship or marriage. You cannot be right all the time. Why the saying, “no man is an island of knowledge.” In any relationship that must work, there must be freedom of expression. Your partner must be able to express his or herself and be free to have their say or opinion in whatever issues that arise in the relationship.
Don’t get into a relationship if you are not ready to make it a priority in your life. You know why? The relationship will be one sided. Your partner will be the only one making and putting effort to make it work, why you may not even care. This will make them a burden to you instead of a companion. You are taking them for a ride that is headed nowhere and you may not know. Itâ€™s a big waste of someone’s precious time, feelings and emotions, which is complete evil. Am sure you will not want to be treated that way. Itâ€™s the reason you must change your ways if you have not been making your relationship a priority in your life. Let it matter to you how you treat your partner and how the decisions you make affect them. Making that relationship or marriage work shouldn’t be an option for you anymore, make it a priority.
Can a house stand without a good foundation? Off course, everyone will answer NO. So also a relationship cannot stand firm without TRUST. Trust must be the foundation in which every relationship and marriage must be built, else, there will be serious problems most resulting from third party interference. If you don’t trust your partner you will believe all sorts of things about them and their actions which are not true. Why many relationships and marriages fail.
They say you can’t give what you don’t have. Why we must train ourselves to trust. I know trust is an issue for many of us, maybe from personal experience of failed relationships or from lessons we learn from people around us. Trust me you should still trust if you must get into a relationship. Â It will save you a lotÂ of unnecessary headaches and misunderstandings not trusting cause a relationship. Believe it or not, trust is an assetÂ every relationship must have. Until otherwise, never distrust your partner.
Trust is not something that comes easy. You must give people a reason to trust you before they will do. Why you must not give your partner any reason to distrust you. The most beautiful way to build your partners trust in you, in a relationship, is to be faithful to him or her. Being faithful to them will make their trusting you come easy. One reason you must keep being faithful to your partner is, if trust is broken, it may never be regained.
“The love of money, they say, is the root of all evil.” The relationship circle is not left out of this. Many love money more than their partner and are not even hiding it. Why they will give their all to their work and give less time and attention to their partner. If their partner complains, they will say itâ€™s for their interest. The nonchalant partner will tell you that they are not forcing you to stay in the relationship. This has caused many regrets in their relationships.
Some make the mistake of believing their partner is in their lives for the money so they don’t give him or her attention and respect they deserve. Fine, you might have some instance where this is true, majority of the times itâ€™s not. Not everyone in your life is there for your money. You will know by their actions.
The most common one in marriages especially is our partner lavishing and spending money on unimportant things, and giving little or no attention to the important financial needs of the marriage or relationship. This happens most in relationships where our partner is financially independent. As much as your partner is financially independent, itâ€™s still expected of you to take care of some things in the relationship, most especially if you are a man.
Take out time to plan out on how to support them in meeting the financial needs of the relationship or marriage. Is there a bill you need to pay, does your partner require anything financially? Find out these things and make financial provisions for them. Never leave your partner to handle them alone even if they can. Helping out will make the relationship or marriage more interesting and make them know they have a reliable partnerÂ and companion.
Sometimes, our partner will be a better spender or saver than us, most especially in marriage. Consult them and plan out how to use money for the relationship and life in general that will favor the both of you. This will help the both of you sort out or avoid arguments or misunderstandings resulting from finance. To conclude on finance (money) , If you have any issue as regards finance in your relationship and how your partner is not using money rightly, don’t be afraid to let it out. Never assume your partner is suppose to know or its their money so itâ€™s not your business. You might be that financial redeemer they have been waiting for. .
Relationship they say is for 20 years and above. Itâ€™s so because, by this age, our minds must have developed enough to make important decisions and handle the challenges that comes with being in and enjoying a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.
Even at 40, some are still not mature enough to handle these challenges and maintain a working relationship with a person of the opposite sex, while others have started managing a beautiful family at a lesser age.
What then is the problem? Itâ€™s the mentality of that individual, what him or her understand a relationship to be, and the exposure he or she is ready to get about how to make a relationship work.
Some don’t know what is required of them in a relationship, and are not ready to learn. They feel they are good enough and they don’t need enlightenment on how to maintain a working relationship. Itâ€™s always about them and what they think in the relationship or nothing else. Like life, we learn everyday in a relationship. You cannot know everything. Why people write books and articles that people read, buy, and learn from. Why we have many relationship coaches that are making a living out of consultations from couples and relationship seminars from which people benefit and make their relationships and marriages work.
Â I encourage you to read more of our articles and tell your partner, friends, family members, and anyone you can about us and share this article. We will also appreciate your feedback and what you think about our works.Â
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