I saw a movie that is surrounded by sex on the first date, they eventually got married but the marriage collapsed after 2years based on imagination. The husband believed the wife cheated on him with her boss, something that didnâ€™t happen but he had a strong conviction it happens because he had sex with his wife on the first day they met which makes him think since she did it that time, she can and will do it again. [Read Also: Basic Relationship Problems and How To Solve Them pt 1]
I am not an advocate of sex before marriage but the society with people has been successful in turning things around which now makes us to witness different scenario when it comes to sex and relationship.
There are some things that itâ€™s only when they are done right that they are good, if done otherwise there will be repercussion. Few people might do it and get away with it; it still doesnâ€™t make it good
Just like in the movie, the man pictured the day he met his wife and they eventually ended up in bed to reality of what he thinks his wife is doing now. It was hard for the wife to convince her husband nothing happened due to that memory.
Letâ€™s look at it this way, the wife might not be a bad woman, maybe she even hasnâ€™t done something like that before, she might have done it because the husband on the first day they met swept her off her feet and she fell in love.
Below are some reasons ladies shouldnâ€™t try sex on first date
The picture you paint
What kind of picture are you painting? What kind of message are you sending to that man? For the man, he will talk you into doing it, he is thinking with his penis at that time so to him at that moment nothing is wrong with it . it is you as the lady that should know the right thing to do by saying NO. If he knows you are worth it, he will stay will the appropriate time.
In the movie, the incident has no effect on their relationship of some months and marriage of 2years until the husbandâ€™s imagination started playing on him due to some things that was going on between his wife and her boss. You should know that, in everything you do, you are sending a message and this one is a very wrong message to send, delete it.
Men will never forget
Everything might look good and rosy, you might even have forgotten as a woman but I am telling you the man will never forget. He will remember every detail like it happened yesterday; someday he might use it against you. In the movie nothing happened between the wife and her boss all what destroyed the marriage was the husbandâ€™s imagination and that incident of them having sex on the first day they met kept playing in his head. She had sex with me on the first date; she can do it with another person
He might use it against you
A typical man always look for a reason to justify themselves of the bad thing they are doing, so you should expect that man to use it against you someday. Maybe when you are thinking about marriage and he is already tired of you, looking for a way to break the relationship. Now here it comes, I find it hard to trust you; any time we are not together I always believe you are with another man. Since we had sex the first date, it shows another man also can have his way with you and I wonâ€™t know. I am very sorry, I tried my best but I just couldnâ€™t help it.
If itâ€™s after marriage, another story will be used. I made a terrible mistake in getting married to you, you are cheap, and God knows how many men you have slept with. How do you start to prove your innocence? Itâ€™s always better to avoid the trouble. I know some people are saying, thatâ€™s no issue, if he wants, he can come up with another thing even if we didnâ€™t have sex on the first date.
The truth is we are human, what we see is what helps or affect our trust. Put yourself in the manâ€™s shoe, maybe your man cheated on you, will you not think it that maybe heâ€™s cheating on you again any time heâ€™s out late or any time you see him with a woman? Thatâ€™s the point, its better we create nothing to think about
It might hurt you in future
There are some things we had done in the past that always come back to our future to hurt us and this my sister is one of it. It might when everything is all good, maybe itâ€™s even in your career that you actually work hard to get to the point you are and your man we say it to your face, you made it far because you were sleeping with the men.
The lady got a promotion in the office through her hard work but her husband thought of it in another way.
According to Marie Claire in marieclaire.co.uk in points 5-10 about why you shouldnâ€™t have sex on the first date
It can train you to be a cheater
Every relationship, however brief and insignificant, influences every other relationship in your life. First-Date-Sex contributes to a sexual pattern that is very hard to change. Plenty of people believe that sex is a behavior that is very malleable, that sexuality can be turned on and off, like a light switch. Many of the women I spoke with while doing research for The 30-Day Love Detox, told me that they are hooking up as a way to audition mates, but they are quite sure they can be faithful when they decide to be. But research doesnâ€™t support this. More likely is the scenario that these women (and the men they have sex with) are training their bodies to be future cheaters. We can train ourselves for most anything. And the only way to train for monogamy is to either abstain or to be monogamous.
It reduces chances for real love
Sex is lust over love but itâ€™s still a hugely intimate act. It can be fumbling, awkward, and frankly, more than a little embarrassing when normal bodily functions happen in front of a stranger. The way the brain deals with this awkwardness is to disassociate a bit. It creates emotional distance keeping the physical intimacy in one tidy little box and the heart in another, safely under lock and key. Attempting to have both emotional and physical intimacy on a first date would be too much for our psycheâ€™s to tolerate. And once youâ€™ve set up the two-box system, it can be hard to break. Therefore, in one study, participants who moved fast sexually, had the worst relationship outcomes later.
It can make a man run for the hills
Hereâ€™s a study I hated to read. Groundbreaking work by David Buss at the University of California, Los Angeles, showed that the more sexual partners a man has had, the more he perceives â€œdiminished attractivenessâ€ in each new mate. Itâ€™s a race to the bottom for him. Each new woman disappoints him more. Itâ€™s as if he is looking for some princess of a woman whose sex will tell him heâ€™s in love. And you can be sure, if heâ€™s pressuring for sex on the first date, this man has had many partners. But, real love, of course, is something that takes while to grow.
It advertises you to partners who consume bulk-sex
We are in a high-supply sexual economy where the price of sex, which used to be the price of courtship, has been dropped to the barrel-bottom price of one, well-worded text. And without courtship we have players and non-players in the same dating pool. People who want a healthy relationship â€œchargeâ€ a high price for sex: attention, care, and commitment. When you have sex on a first date, you act as a player and mostly attract like kinds.
9Â First-Date-Sex makes confuses sexual chemistry and love
Many people believe that jumping into bed in the early stages of a relationship is a way to test sexual compatibility, a way to audition a man, if you will. Someone created the myth that â€˜sexual chemistryâ€™ is necessary before couples can move to a committed relationship. If this theory were true then people who do not test out sexual chemistry before commitment should have shorter, more unhappy, relationships. But psychology professor Dean Busby and his colleagues at Brigham Young University were unable to make this connection is a study of more than 2,000 couples. People with good sexual chemistry early on did not stay together longer. He explained his results to me this way. â€˜The mechanics of good sex are not particularly difficult or beyond the reach of most couples, but the emotions, the vulnerability, the meaning of sex and whether it brings couples closer together are much more complicated to figure out.â€™
10. Sex on the first date reinforces the sexual double standard
As much as feminism has tried to rewire menâ€™s brains to stop thinking that there are bad girls and good girls, the truth is that much of this is hard wiring from our anthropological pasts. Men who fell for a promiscuous woman, risked spending their time and resources raising another manâ€™s genes. The sexually double standard is alive and well in a cross section of male culture in America. When I posed the question of the double standard on my Facebook page, a wide socio-economic group of men weighed in with belief systems ripped straight from the 1950s but alive and well today. One guy summed it up this way. â€˜Sure, first date sex, is a test. We see how quick we can get you in bed. The quicker you are, the less wifey material you are.â€™ The truth is, when men are expected to always want first date sex and women are supposed to say no, the two become opponents instead of partners. Slowing things down and growing an emotional bond first is the only way to put the sexual double standard to rest.
Yourtango.com did a research and asks some men questions on what they feel about ladies who have sex on the first date, below are the reports
There’s Something About A Woman Who Makes You Wait
The guys I spoke to that were okay with holding out for a few dates really surprised me. Their answers were candid, honest and they proved that though the times, they are a-changin’ there’s definitely still something to be said about passion, patience and keeping it in your pants until the clock strikes hot.
“The first time I went out with this girl I was really into, I had high hopes that she’d invite me back upstairs after dinner was over. When she didn’t, I was pleasantly surprised, despite what I’d originally banked on. I realized that I wanted to wait for it, too â€” and the harder she was willing to make me work for it, the more attracted to her I was,” Ethan, 29, says.
“It’s refreshing to meet someone who doesn’t want to give it up all at once. I don’t think it means you’re easy if you want to have sex on the first date or even after the first night, but I’m way more attracted to a woman who knows how rare it is to have something to look forward to. Everything we do is geared toward instant gratification â€” and I don’t mean that after having sex I think of girls in a way like ‘what else do you have to offer?’, because I definitely don’t â€” but it’s really nice to have time to get to know someone and put some room in between deciding to ask them on a second date and deciding between missionary and doggie,”Â says Tony, 31.
“When my girlfriend and I first met, we left the bar making out and I was sure we were going to end up at her apartment having sex. Then, she asked for my number and hailed a cab, leaving me in the dust. I was caught so off guard â€” I kinda thought that was the kind of sh*t you only saw in movies â€” but I couldn’t stop thinking about her all night. The next day, when she texted me, I was that much more interested in her. It was unexpected but totally awesome to have to wait on someone else for once,” Madison, 26, says.
You Can’t Date The Girl You Take Home
“If you want to have sex the first night we meet, I’m down,” says Travis, 23, “but just don’t expect me to call you the next day â€” or any day after.”
“I think a lot of guys would stray from saying this because it would make them sound soft or too sensitive, but we don’t really want the girl who sleeps with us on the first night. Okay, fine, some of us really do, but the majority of us are just saying that we do. We don’t. We want the waiting period, the getting-to-know-you period. We want to take you to overpriced dinners and then complain about it behind your back. We want you to keep denying us, because it’s sexy as f*ck, until you’re ready. At least,” Sam, 29, said, “I do.”
“You know that expression ‘You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife’?,” asks Quinn, 26. “I’m not saying that you should by any means call a woman a hoe, but I think that the point of the saying is pretty true. If I sleep with you on the first night, that’s awesome, but I’m never really going to see you as much more than that. You’ll be the girl that gave it up the first time we met.”
So, ladies, I’m as surprised as you are, but the fellas have spoken: Waiting is the new sex.
In conclusion, Ladies donâ€™t let the society turn you into something else, we are regretting it already but the world wonâ€™t tell you and donâ€™t listen to men that sees nothing wrong with it because they wonâ€™t tell you the truth for their selfish interest. Build a standard; itâ€™s worth the wait if he really wants to be with you. Oh, and the title of the movie I mentioned above is, IN THE NAME OF TRUSTFollow Love Venture on WordPress.com