Sometimes we show love or think we are showing love to our spouse and then wonder why they are not reciprocating or getting the love we are passing across. This always lead to frustration for the person showing the love because he has tried severally to show his/her spouse but the spouse is blind to it and he/she is tired of trying. This has resulted in many divorces and its one of the major problems marriage is facing
The problem here isn’t your partner; most times we think oh she is just too engrossed into her work that she didn’t even get the signal I was passing across. Oh, he is just selfish that’s why he’s not thinking about me or how I feel, all what he is concerned about is money. Your partner isn’t the problem here and you are not the problem either, the problem here is the love language you are using that your partner doesn’t understand.
Imagine someone speaking french to you when you don’t understand it, the person might have talked for thirty minutes and the person won’t know you are not getting the message he is trying to pass across until the person wants you to react to what he has been saying before he discovers you don’t understand a thing that he has been saying. How do you think that person will feel? The person will feel disappointed, frustrated and angry.
This is the agony of a husband I read in a book written by Gary Chapman; “in my first marriage, we had three or four good years before the baby came. After the baby was born, I felt like she gave her attention to the baby and I no longer mattered. It was as if her one goal in life was to have a baby, and after the baby, she no longer needed me.”
Did you tell her that? Gary asked
Oh yes, I told her, she said I was crazy, she said I did not understand the stress of being a twenty four hour nurse. She said I should be more understanding and help her more. I really tried, but it didn’t seem to make any difference. After that we just grew further apart. After a while, there was no love left, just deadness. Both of us agreed that the marriage was over.
What happened in that scenario is just the lack of understanding of the love language. The love language the husband was using is not the love language the wife understands and when you don’t understand each others language there will be serious problem. Also sometimes the love language tends to change depending on the situation, which means your spouse that understands gifts as the love language might not understand gift anymore but understand affection instead because of the present situaton. This means you should be very sensitive to the changes happening to your spouse
This is another scenario from Gary Chapman; “My last marriage, I really thought that one would be different. I had been divorced for three years. We dated each other for two years. I really thought we knew what we were doing, and I thought that perhaps for the first time I really knew what it meant to love someone. I genuinely felt that she loved me
“After the wedding I don’t think I changed. I continued to express love to her as I had before marriage. I told her how beautiful she was. I told her how much I loved her. I told her how proud I was to be her husband. But a few months after marriage, she started complaining; about petty things at first, like my not taking the garbage out or not hanging up my clothes. Later, she went to attacking my character, telling me she didn’t feel she could trust me, accusing me of not being faithful to her; she became a totally negative person. Before marriage, she was never negative. She was one of the most positive people I have ever met. That is one of the things that attracted me to her. She never complained about anything. Everything I did was wonderful, but once we were married. It seemed I could do nothing right. I honestly don’t know what happened. Eventually, I lost my love for her and began to resent her. She obviously had no love for me. We agreed there was no benefit to our living together any longer, so we split.
This is always the end of product when couples don’t understand each others love language. You might be saying it while what your partner needs isn’t words but actions, you might be showing it but what your partner needs isn’t action but affection. If this is not inline there is always going to be disagreement. Just imagine that your spouse love language is receiving a gift but you keep telling him/her how much you love him/her, it won’t work until you speak what they understand which is buying gift
Its better you spend days, weeks, or months to understand your partners love language than to spend years trying to show her love that he/she doesn’t understand. What is love to you might not be love to your partner.
When you don’t know how to speak your spouse love language any other language you try to speak drift you further apart.
Amos 3:3 says “Can two walk together unless they agree?” the answer is No! If your love language and spouses love language isn’t in agreement then the two of you can not walk together
It is very important for both the husband and the wife to know their spouse love language, so that when you speak it he/she understands what you are saying. It is then you can get a reply and have your love reciprocated, anything else sounds like gibberish. Work on identifying your spouse love language today, your marriage depends on it.Follow Love Venture on WordPress.com