See if you’re willing to compromise
If you’re a spendthrift but find yourself spending more money for your loved one, or if you like to spend money but have become more frugal for your loved one, then you are willing to compromise.
If you find yourself doing something out of your comfort zone, such as biking or hiking, because your loved one really wants you to try it, then you are willing to compromise.
If you try to share your loved one’s interests, such as baseball or a new TV show, then you are willing to compromise.
Remember that contrary to what some would say, you don’t have to do everything together to be in love. You should still have your own space to pursue your own interests, but if you’re willing to compromise and to try something to make both of you happy, then you’re falling in love.
Both people must be willing to compromise. If you’re making a big decision about buying a new house together or moving to a new city, both people should give their input. If one person is always giving in to the other person’s needs, then that’s not a compromise.
See if you’ve overcome a challenge together
Sure, it’s great to be in love when everything is going well and the sun is out, but being able to overcome a challenge or an obstacle is a way to cement your bond and see if you’re really in love. People who are in love are able to overcome almost anything together.
If you’ve only ever been together when things are perfect and you worry that things will fall apart the second you have to make a difficult decision together, then you may not be in love.
If your relationship has only grown stronger after the death of a loved one, a major illness, or even a major career change, then you may be in love.
If you always think of problems in terms of “we” and not “me,” then you and your loved one have mastered tackling challenges as a team and you are falling in love.
If you’ve been able to solve practical problems together, like how to move to a new city and pack up your old place, then you may be in love.
See what you do together
You should think about the types of things you do with your loved one to see if you’re really in love or just having a fun relationship. If you’re really in love, then your loved one should be a part of your everyday life, and you should love doing the most basic things with your loved one.
If the thought of just sitting around with your loved one and doing absolutely nothing makes you excited, then you are in love.
If you and your love have a few common interests that you pursue together, such as salsa or running, then you may be in love.
If you and your loved one can spend hours just laughing and being silly together, then you may be in love.
If you and your loved one have fun no matter what you do—whether it’s a trip to a new restaurant or a vacation to Rome—then you may be in love.
Think about your sex life
Though your sex may not be as exciting as it was in the first few months of your relationship, you should still have a healthy and regular sex life. If your sex life feels completely boring, or even like torture, then you may have some problems in your relationship.
If you’re in love, then you should still get excited about having sex with your loved one and should feel completely absorbed during the process instead of thinking, “When will this be over so I can watch TV?”
If you’re in love, then your love should still feel passionate and special, not like an item on your checklist.
Remember that sex isn’t everything. You may not have the most exciting sex life, but as long as you’re both still committed to it, that’s OK.
Understand the difference between real love and “sex love.” Real love is deep, passionate, and forever. “Sex love” means you’ve been seeing someone for a few months and can’t stop having sex and think that means you’re absolutely in love with the person.