Lots of things that couples didn’t plan for is bound to happen in a marriage.
Even with years of dating and courtship, still no assurance that the relationship will be perfect after marriage. The couples have lots of work to do in a situation where the marriage is going bad. Marriage is about two people becoming one, which means they are now one and they must fight it together for faster results. Below are points couples must take into consideration in order for them to save the marriage
1. Make an effort to figure out what went wrong. You can’t move forward if you don’t know what’s keeping you back. Most relationships and people suffer from a few flaws, and perhaps those flaws are getting in the way of a healthy relationship. Your job is to take a long,hard look at what you think went wrong. Here are just a few:
i. Growing incompatibility: Work, family, stress, finance and everything else our modern world throws at you can cause people to reveal their true colors.
ii. Infidelity: Is the guilt of an affair weighing on you or your spouse? Did confession cause everything to suddenly blow up?
iii. Lack of communication: What you say doesn’t get processed by your spouse, and what your spouse says doesn’t get processed by you. Maybe neither of you says anything at all.
iv. Money: Someone is a spendthrift and the other is a penny pincher, and the twain never meet. Or maybe growing financial insecurity is making home life bitingly negative.
vi. Sex: If sex is a physical symbol of your love for one another, the wilting of that symbol can be both emotionally and physically saddening.
2. Figure out if what went wrong is something fixable: It’s a perfectly natural response to try to save your sinking ship, but what if the ship is so tattered that it isn’t worth saving? No one can make this decision for you, but know that certain flaws in people or relationships might not be worth trying to save. Know that people rarely change. People often say they’ll change, but they rarely do. After they’re comfortable, they usually revert back to the people they were before. It’s not impossible for someone to change wholesale, but it’s unlikely.
3. Open communication with your spouse: Get information from them about how they think the relationship can be improved. When bringing up this difficult conversation with your spouse,
remember a few things: Don’t be accusatory. Accusing them of
something will only burn bridges. Instead of “I thought you were going to take care of that, which is why I’m angry it didn’t happen,” you can say “We all know that no one’s perfect. I just thought you were going to take care of that, so I was surprised when it didn’t happen.” Count to three before you answer. A lot of the time, our impulse is to fight back instead of hear what the person is actually saying. Count to three before you answer, thinking about what your spouse has said. Calm and composure on your end will produce similar results on their end.
4. Learn how to celebrate the successes and commiserate the failures: Every life is filled with ups and downs, just as every person is filled with strengths and weaknesses. In a failing marriage, we too often use our partner’s failures as a chance to secretly gloat and pass over our partner’s success like we take them for granted. What more does a husband or wife want than to have their loved one be with them in times of despair and share happiness with them in times of joy?
5. Don’t use threats as a bargaining chip: Threats don’t mean you’re a bad person, they just mean that you’ve learned a bad habit, one you should stop learning. The problem with threats is that they encourage people to do the right things for the wrong reasons: your spouse shouldn’t want to save the marriage because you’re threatening to leave them your spouse should want to save the marriage because they absolutely, deeply love
6. Say what you do and do what you say (and expect the same from your spouse): A relationship is all about trust. Trust is gained when expectations are met, and when actions are followed through on. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. A failure to follow through on your words causes your spouse to believe that your words aren’t what you say they are. This
leads to a breakdown in trust.
7. Don’t blame: Admit to your spouse that neither one of you is responsible for this lull in your marriage. It’s tempting to blame everything wrong that’s happened on your spouse without admitting that you were somehow also complicit. There’s also space for admitting that you both shoulder blame and responsibility. The process of saying that to your spouse can mean a lot, helping
you to reform your bond. For example, it’s unfair to say that your spouse never made dinner with the family a priority if you didn’t try to work with them to fix that. You can say something like: “You didn’t make dinner as much of a priority as I would have liked,but I was guilty of holding that against you and not trying to work with your busy schedule to accommodate you when you were free.”
8. Rededicate your commitment by making it tangible: A marriage is also about commitment, a commitment that puts other people ahead of oneself. If you feel like rededicating your commitment to your marriage, consider making it physical or tangible to that your spouse can see that commitment. Gift your
Flower or plant (something growing)
Work of art (made by you)
9. Try to go on a date: A loving marriage is one in which both partners still enjoy the thought of being with one another all alone. Some couples try to engineer a date night every week, others every couple of weeks. At the very least, try to plan a date night with just you and your spouse once a month. This should help re-ignite your passion for one another, as well as eliminating some of the more tedious responsibilities of everyday life.Follow Love Venture on WordPress.com