“Trust is the belief or willingness to believe that one can rely on the goodness, strength, ability, etc of somebody or someone” Oxford Advance Learners Dictionary
Trust is not for strangers.
This willingness to believe in somebody’s goodness, strength, and ability doesn’t just come, it is earned overtime. That’s why people only use the word trust when dealing with people they have come to know and spend a lot of time with to the extent that they can predict them.
As it is still in human nature to be imperfect, in relationships sometimes some people we think we know become total strangers to us. This happens when they act in certain ways that we never expect they will. It could be a vital secret we discovered they have been hiding from us, infidelity in relationships, acting in securely with our partner, expressing possessiveness, using unkind words, breaking promises, involvement in a crime, telling lies, gossiping relationships secrets with others, hidden addiction, etc. When this happen, we begin to lose believe in the other person’s ability to keep the relationship. In other words, as trust is gained overtime, it is lost overtime as the person we trust begins to act otherwise.
Loss of trust differs, pending on the mentality of the individuals involved. Some people lose trust in others at the first instance they fail to meet to expectation and never give them the opportunity to make it up. Others will give the other party chances to make up for their failure to meet up to expectation before concluding that they cannot be trusted.
Whatever the mentality of the person you are dealing with in a relationship , you should make every effort possible not to lose their trust because it causes emotional pain that leads to anger that might never make them trust you again.
“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, And forever to repair.” Pinterest Quotes
But there is hope for you. You can still keep that relationship and regain the lost trust, but don’t expect it to be quick. The above quotation explains better.
You can rebuild trust in your relationship by adhering to the following:
1) FORGIVE YOURSELF
“Forgiveness simply means loving someone enough to pursue healing instead of punishment” Dave Willis
Some people after losing the trust of someone beat themselves up by never forgiving themselves. They carry the guilt and allow it so occupy their mind that it affects their relationship with others. This drains them emotionally overtime that they lose interest in going back to amend their mistake. Its human nature to make mistakes and have flaws in our relationships with others, for no one is perfect. It will do you great good to forgive yourself. This will give you a clear head to face the person you have lost his or her trust, with sincerity.
2) MAKE A FIRM DECISION TO REBUILD THE LOST TRUST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
This second step is very important. It will get you prepared for the hurdles you need to cross to rebuild the lost trust in your relationship. You have lost the trust of someone important to you that it took years or months to build. They are still finding it hard to believe you could be trusted. Their state of mind regarding you and everything you used to stand for has changed. It will be like an impossible task to regain their trust. You need to make a decision to stand firm no matter what you face till you regain the lost trust. To help you with this, put the positive aspect of the relationship in mind and why trust in the relationship is worth rebuilding.
3) GIVE AN EMPATHETIC APOLOGY
“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” Benjamin Franklin
“Would ‘sorry’ have made any difference? Does it ever? It’s just a word. One word against a thousand actions” Sarah Ockler
It’s one thing to apologize and another to show you are truly sorry. When apologizing to the person that has lost trust in you, you need to show in your apology that you are really and truly sorry. Take responsibility for your actions. Put yourself in the position of the one whose trust has been broken. It will go a long way in getting you the right words to say, and how to go about your apology. It will also put you in a better position to get another chance to be trusted.
4) COME CLEAN
“To rebuild trust in a relationship, both parties need to make an on-going commitment to honest communication” Infidelityhealing.com
“Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. Every healthy relationship is built on a foundation of honesty and Trust” Dave Willis
Be sincere about your reasons for breaking the trust in the relationship. Explain why you did what you did, why you miss the appointments, why you couldn’t meet up to expectation, what led to the cheating etc. If it’s something you expected the other party to do that will improve your relationship, and they are not making efforts to do it, make it known to them. This will go a long way in making them reconsider their trusting you. If it’s something on your part, let them know you are ready to change.
If they have something to say about you and what your actions mean to your relationship with them, give them the audience even if they insult and abuse you. Make them know you deserve whatever they have to say about you. If you visit them over and over again for discussion and they say the same thing, keep visiting till they change their opinion of you. It will go a long way to show you are ready to be trusted.
5) SHOW CHANGES
“Why do you go away? So that you can come back so that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colours and the people there see you differently too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.” Terry Pratchett, ‘A Hat Full of Sky’
Like the above Poetry, you are like the traveler that leaves his home town to another town, to return as a stranger. When you lost trust in a relationship, you become a stranger in that relationship. The only way to start gaining grounds is to show you have changed. Stop snooping. Stop being possessive and start living free with the person that has lost trust in you. Stop that addiction. Start keeping promises. Stop using foul languages. Stop keeping vital secrets. Stop gossiping. Stay away from crimes. Stop telling lies and start being honest. Whatever you were doing that made you lose the trust of your partner stop it.
6) BE PATIENT
“Patience is not the ability to wait. Waiting is a fact of life. Patience is the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting” Joyce Meyers
A lot of patience is needed to rebuild lost trust in a relationship. At this point, you need to imagine how much time it took to gain the lost trust. You will need far more than that time to regain it. Then, the relationship was between two people just getting to know each other. The desire to associate and connect was high. Now, its two people divided at the fault of one. Now is one trying to prove to the other that a reconnection is possible. You need to give the other person time to think the reconnection over and over again and respect the pace at which they react to the reconnection you are initiating. Like the above quotation, keep a positive attitude while waiting. Being patient with them will go a long way in showing that you are really serious about regaining their trust.
7) GO FOR COUNSELING
“A problem shared, is a problem solved.” Anonymous
Sometimes, you will need the advice of others in rebuilding a lost trust. Do you have people who have been through this before? Go to them. Ask them how they regained the trust of the person that lost trust in them. If you don’t have any, go to a counselor and get professional advice. Talk to them about the relationship and your plans in rebuilding the lost trust. Ask for their candid advice and opinion. Whatever steps they ask you to take, adhere to it. If you can get the person that has lost trust in you to go see the counselor with you, better.
Another way you can get counseled is through reading books and articles about regaining and rebuilding lost trust. You can easily get them on the Internet. There are also interactive sites where you can put personal questions up about your situation and get professional advice. You might even be lucky to meet others in the same situation as you, and learn from them.
8) BE OPEN
You have just broken the heart of your woman/man and have lost the trust he/she has for you. The least you can do is to be open to her/him about everything you do. For example; lets say you lost the trust your wife have for you through cheating on her with another woman, and you want to rebuild that trust. All you have to do is to be open. Open in what way? Open with everything you do with her or alone. You don’t need to hide your phone from her or take it everywhere in the house you go to, this shows you are hiding something. Leave your phone without fear anywhere in the house, receive your calls in her presence and sometimes when you are not available allow her receive your calls and pass the message through to the person on the phone or maybe you were not in sight, then she can pick your call and tell the person to call back. You should also take her out to some of the men gathering you do with your friends. By doing this, you are being open, without hiding anything and you are step by step getting closer to have her trust back
NOTE: when working on building back trust in a relationship, don’t hide anything whatsoever, no matter how small or big. Because if you do hide something and he/she finds out then that might be the end of the relationship. It might ruin all your efforts, so before she finds out, let her/him hear it from you first.
To conclude, as you work to rebuild that lost trust. In your relationship, put the following quotations in mind:
“Trust is rebuilt when a person consistently changes their behaviour and cease to violate another’s trust do what you say you are going to do and have integrity in everything you do, others trusting you will follow in time” Dr Gary Chapman
“Sorry works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes but never break trust. Forgiveness is easy, but forgetting and trusting again is sometimes impossible.” Pinterest Quotes
@tanroseDflyboy 14 – 10 – 2015
Real name – Anomuogharan Godwin TanroseFollow Love Venture on WordPress.com